Crosswalks

"Everything changes when you have a kid."  I heard that so many times while my wife was pregnant as people shared their advice and wisdom for us before we set out on the journey of parenthood.  Boy is it ever true.  I don't think I have ever paid much attention to crosswalks before Olivia came into my life.  I would drive through them without much thought, roll through them as I turned right at a stoplight and even avoided them when I was crossing the street.  My relationship with crosswalks has forever changed. 


Walking downtown with Ang and Olivia last weekend, I clapped at a car that drove through a crosswalk that we were walking through.  It was completely illogical as I am not sure if I expected to create a sonic boom that would stop the 1 ton car in its tracks - I guess I was simply making a point.  Ang thought I was making a joke as she proceeded to clap at random cars for the rest of the day as the giggles overwhelmed her.  In fairness to her my clap (just one hard clap) was REALLY random especially since I aimed it at the passing car - no words came to me and I wanted to reach out and stop the car with one hand to remind the driver that I was pushing a stroller with my kid in it.  However, in the moment my hard clap felt like the right move. 


Just yesterday we were out taking a walk in the morning and on our way to get some coffee we came to a stop at the dreaded crosswalk.  My wife gracefully passed on the opportunity to remind me of "the clap" as it is now referred to in our home.  As we waited, 2 cars drove right past us.  I started wildly waving my arms,  as the third car approached and he managed to acknowledge me with a wave of his hand as he proceeded through the apparently invisible crosswalk.  Needless to say my frustration began to mount.  A fourth driver, completely oblivious to our family waiting for him to stop drove me to action - I one-upped my last attempt.   I waved my arms, yelled "CROSSWALK" and pointed to the crosswalk.  Ang turned bright red and chose to walk about 20 yards ahead of me as the car abruptly came to a stop.  I walked through the intersection feeling no shame, only an abiding sense of pride at accomplishing my feat of stopping the car so my girls could safely cross.  I smiled to myself.  Now Ang has two things that can make her laugh any time she thinks of them. 


I can't figure out why I care so much about crosswalks all of a sudden, but to deny my frustration would be dishonest.  I guess I now have a mission to fulfill - something has awakened in my man heart and I will ensure my family can always safely cross the street at the crosswalk.  I know. I am ridiculous :).   

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Delight of My Heart

Delight. My heart sings this chorus every time I lay eyes on my little girl - it helps that she greets me with a crooked, toothless grin, her face creasing at the corners as she squints with an ever widening smile. Her smile joins forces with a squeaking, squealing greeting that draws a smile from deep inside - the kind that can't be taken away even in the midst of a challenging day.


The love I have for her was previously unknown to me - a love so inherent and unyielding. When I met her face to face for the first time, something shifted in my being and I knew that regardless of what transpired over the course of my life or hers, nothing could ever alter or stymie my desire to ensure that she would always know what it means to be loved. I hoped my love would provide a shelter and safe haven for her, a place where even if chaos permeated every aspect of her life, she could find safety in my love, find protection in my provision, and rest soundly knowing she will never lack or go without. I ache thinking of the struggles she will face and I glow knowing the heights to which she will soar. I know my thoughts towards her are no different than any other parents' towards their child, but they are extraordinary. Not because they are mine, but because of why I feel that way - its woven into the fiber of my being - down to my core.

Two weeks ago I had a thought that has marked me. I sensed my Father uncovering a forgotten promise, "I love you, just like that.". I wish I lived like I believed that - life would look so different. Nothing more to earn, no need to be perfect - just an invitation to be...loved.

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